PSYC 309 Week 3 DB Forum 3 Example

Discussion Board Forum 3: Thread and Two Replies

PSYC 309 Healthy Sexuality, Discussion Board Forum 3 (thread and two replies)

Thread by [Student Name]

The prompt, the writer's example and the classmates' posts are composites standing in for the course's own forum; the textbook, Scripture and published longitudinal study are real; the requirements follow Liberty's public course guide for PSYC 309.

Thread

Friends of mine married two years ago, and in the first year both lost jobs within three months of each other. They told me later that the stress spilled into every part of their marriage, including their physical relationship, and that as the physical distance grew, so did the emotional distance. Their experience raises this week's question: does the sexual relationship shape the marriage, or does the marriage shape the sexual relationship? Popular advice tends to pick one answer, but the textbook and the research both suggest the honest answer is both.

Balswick and Balswick (2008) argue that sexual intimacy in marriage cannot be separated from the rest of the relationship. They describe healthy marriage as built on covenant commitment, grace that allows each partner to be accepted and forgiven, empowerment in which each helps the other grow, and intimacy in which each is known. Sexual intimacy, in their view, both expresses and strengthens these qualities, and it suffers when they are missing. A spouse who feels criticized or unknown will find it hard to feel close physically, and a couple who neglect physical closeness may find their friendship thinning as well.

Research suggests the influence runs in both directions. McNulty et al. (2016) used two eight-wave longitudinal studies to follow 207 couples through the first four to five years of marriage. Marital satisfaction at one point predicted improvement in sexual satisfaction at the next, and sexual satisfaction predicted improvement in marital satisfaction, so the two were bidirectionally linked. Sexual satisfaction and frequency of sex were also bidirectionally related. At the same time, all three declined over the early years, though the declines slowed over time. The authors concluded that efforts to prevent marital distress may benefit from attending to the sexual relationship, and efforts to address sexual distress may benefit from attending to the marriage. Interestingly, marital satisfaction did not directly predict frequency of sex once other links were considered, which suggests that the quality of the experience matters more than a simple count.

Scripture holds these together. The Song of Songs celebrates delight between husband and wife, and 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 describes a mutual giving in which neither spouse withholds from the other except by agreement for a time (English Standard Version Bible, 2001/2016). Both passages place sexuality within a relationship of mutual care, where each spouse considers the other's needs and neither uses the relationship to control the other.

My friends eventually found that small gestures, such as praying together at night and setting aside time without phones, helped restore both kinds of closeness. Classmates: what do you think helps couples protect both kinds of satisfaction during stressful seasons?

Reply to Megan

Megan, you said you were discouraged by the finding that satisfaction declines in early marriage, since it seemed to suggest that every marriage slowly cools. I understand the reaction, but I think the details are more encouraging than they first appear. McNulty et al. (2016) found that the rate of decline became increasingly less steep over time, which means the steepest changes came early and then leveled off. The decline is an average across couples, and couples whose marital and sexual satisfaction stayed higher tended to keep reinforcing each other.

That pattern fits the textbook's emphasis on grace and empowerment. Balswick and Balswick (2008) describe intimacy as something couples build through ongoing commitment, not a feeling that simply arrives at the wedding and stays. If the honeymoon intensity fades, the deeper work of knowing and being known can continue. Expecting some decline may actually help couples, because they will not interpret ordinary changes as a sign that something has gone wrong.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 urges a husband to enjoy life with the wife he loves all the days of his life (English Standard Version Bible, 2001/2016), a picture of satisfaction that is chosen and cultivated over a lifetime. How do you think couples could prepare for the changes the study describes, and would knowing about them in advance change how they respond? I suspect couples who expect the curve handle it with less fear.

Reply to Jordan

Jordan, you wrote that you hope to do premarital counseling someday and asked what the research means for that work. I think it offers a clear message: couples should not treat their sexual relationship and their friendship as separate topics. McNulty et al. (2016) suggest that interventions aimed at marital distress may benefit from attending to the sexual relationship, and interventions aimed at sexual distress may benefit from attending to the marriage. In practice, a premarital counselor could help couples talk openly and respectfully about expectations, stress and communication in both areas, rather than leaving the physical relationship out of the conversation.

The textbook supports that approach. Balswick and Balswick (2008) argue that sexual intimacy grows out of the same qualities that sustain the whole relationship, especially grace and empowerment, so teaching couples to listen, forgive and support each other's growth serves both.

A counselor could also prepare couples for stressful seasons like the job losses my friends faced, helping them plan how they will stay connected when money, health or children put pressure on the marriage. The blessing of Proverbs 5:18 on a man's lifelong joy in the woman he married when young (English Standard Version Bible, 2001/2016) suggests that delight in marriage is meant to be sustained, not assumed. What topics do you think premarital programs most often leave out, and how might a counselor raise them gently with couples from conservative church backgrounds?

References

Balswick, J. K., & Balswick, J. O. (2008). Authentic human sexuality: An integrated Christian approach (2nd ed.). IVP Academic.

English Standard Version Bible. (2016). Crossway. (Original work published 2001)

McNulty, J. K., Wenner, C. A., & Fisher, T. D. (2016). Longitudinal associations among relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and frequency of sex in early marriage. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 45(1), 85-97. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0444-6