PSYC 309 Week 6 DB Forum 5 Example

Discussion Board Forum 5: Thread and Two Replies

PSYC 309 Healthy Sexuality, Discussion Board Forum 5 (thread and two replies)

Thread by [Student Name]

The prompt, the composite couple and the classmates' posts are composites standing in for the course's own forum; the textbook, Scripture and published studies are real; the requirements follow Liberty's public course guide for PSYC 309.

Thread

A couple I know moved in together after a year of dating, mostly because one lease was ending and it seemed sensible to save money. Three years later, they married, and both admitted they were never sure when they had actually decided to build a life together. This week's question asks what research says about cohabitation before marriage, and their story captures the issue researchers have studied. It is a common pattern: national data show that most couples now live together before marrying, often for practical reasons rather than as a considered step toward commitment.

Rhoades et al. (2009) surveyed 1,050 adults married within the previous ten years. Those who had lived together before engagement, 43.1% of the sample, reported lower marital satisfaction, dedication and confidence, more negative communication and greater potential for divorce than those who cohabited only after engagement or not until marriage. The differences were small and could not be explained by length of marriage, age, income, education or religiousness. People who cohabited only after engagement did not differ from those who waited until marriage. That last detail is important, because it points away from living together itself and toward the timing and clarity of commitment.

A larger historical analysis adds nuance. Working with decades of national family-growth surveys, Rosenfeld and Roesler (2019) saw that marriages preceded by cohabitation were actually less likely to break up during year one, possibly because the partners had already learned to live together, yet more likely to break up in the years after. They describe premarital cohabitation as having short-term benefits and longer-term costs.

One explanation the researchers discuss is the difference between sliding and deciding: couples who move in before a clear commitment may drift into marriage through inertia rather than choosing it. That idea fits the textbook's emphasis on covenant. Balswick and Balswick (2008) describe covenant as a deliberate, unconditional commitment that creates security for intimacy, which is quite different from an arrangement entered for convenience. Covenant is chosen and spoken; convenience simply happens. A couple who slide into shared housing may find it harder to leave a relationship they would never have chosen to enter deliberately.

Ruth's words to Naomi, that where Naomi goes she will go and where she lodges she will lodge (English Standard Version Bible, 2001/2016, Ruth 1:16), show what covenant commitment sounds like: a decision, not a slide.

Classmates: how might churches help couples make deliberate decisions about commitment?

Reply to Hannah

Hannah, you argued that the research proves cohabitation damages marriages, and I agree the findings are concerning, but I think we should be careful about what they show. Both studies I cited are correlational. Couples who move in before an engagement might bring other traits to marriage that also shape its course, such as views about commitment or family background. Rhoades et al. (2009) did control for age, income, education and religiousness, and the effect remained, which strengthens the case that something about pre-engagement cohabitation matters. But they could not control for every difference, and no survey can randomly assign couples to cohabit or not, so some uncertainty will always remain.

The pattern they found is also specific. Couples who moved in after engagement looked no different from those who waited until marriage, which suggests that the timing of commitment, rather than living together itself, may be the key factor. Rosenfeld and Roesler (2019) likewise found different results in the first year than later on.

These distinctions matter for how we speak about the topic. The textbook's view of covenant gives Christians strong reasons to value commitment before shared life (Balswick & Balswick, 2008), and the research is consistent with that view without proving every claim. Do you think stating the evidence carefully makes the Christian case more or less persuasive to students who are not already persuaded?

Reply to Andrew

Andrew, you asked how a Christian counselor should respond to a couple who are already living together and want premarital counseling. I think the research gives a counselor something constructive to offer rather than only a warning. If part of the risk lies in sliding rather than deciding, then the counselor can help the couple make their commitment deliberate now: talk explicitly about why they want to marry, what they expect and how they will handle conflict. Rhoades et al. (2009) found that the negative pattern was tied to cohabiting before engagement, which suggests that clear commitment is what matters.

The textbook's qualities of grace and empowerment are relevant to the counselor's own stance (Balswick & Balswick, 2008). A couple who feel judged may leave counseling, while a couple who feel respected may be open to reflecting on their choices, including whether to live apart until the wedding. A counselor can share their convictions honestly while honoring the couple's freedom, and can also help them strengthen communication skills that will serve the marriage whatever they decide about housing.

Jesus' conversation with the woman at the well (English Standard Version Bible, 2001/2016, John 4) shows truth spoken with grace, honest about her situation yet offering her dignity and hope. What would you say to a couple who asked whether they should move out before the wedding, especially if finances made it difficult?

References

Balswick, J. K., & Balswick, J. O. (2008). Authentic human sexuality: An integrated Christian approach (2nd ed.). IVP Academic.

English Standard Version Bible. (2016). Crossway. (Original work published 2001)

Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). The pre-engagement cohabitation effect: A replication and extension of previous findings. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(1), 107-111. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014358

Rosenfeld, M. J., & Roesler, K. (2019). Cohabitation experience and cohabitation's association with marital dissolution. Journal of Marriage and Family, 81(1), 42-58. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12530